*camera fades in on TheDenizen standing in front of a large mansion*
TheDenizen: Hello, everyone. I'm here in front of the palatial estate of King ZIP, where I have been invited by King ZIP himself on a mission of great import. Uh, I don't really know what that's supposed to mean, but that's what he said to me on the phone. Anyways, he told me to be here today with a camera crew, so here I am. Let's go see what the man has to say.*TheDenizen walks up the long walkway and rings the doorbell. The bell tone is a digitized version of "Everybody was Kung Fu fighting"*
TheDenizen: Wow.
*The door opens to reveal King ZIP in his full ring attire*
King ZIP: Ah, Denizen-san, come in, come in! I see you brought your cameras, very good. I have something to show to the world. TheDenizen: OK, then, let's go.
*King ZIP leads TheDenizen into his huge home, everything is sleek and white, the rooms spacious and elegant. They walk past a life sized marble statue of Karl Gotch.*
TheDenizen: *talking to the camera and ponting at the statue* Nice.
King ZIP: No, no, this way. This is not what I have to show you.
*They head through a door which leads down a winding staircase. At the bottom they find a long, dreary hallway with a dirt floor and concrete walls. Bare electrical wires hang loose and buzzing as water drips everywhere. They are walking in silence as a rat scurries along the floor*
TheDenizen: Uh, King ZIP? Sir? I'm kind of getting weirded out here, where are we going?
King ZIP: *pointing* This way, Denizen-san.
TheDenizen: Uh, OK. Hey, do you ALWAYS wear your facepaint?
King ZIP: Yes. Now shut up and follow.
*As they continue down the hall, the floors level out and become white tile. Ceramic covers the walls, and flourescent lights hum along the ceiling*
TheDenizen: Where are we?
King ZIP: We're almost to the lab.
TheDenizen: LAB?
*They come to a door and enter into a typical mad scientist laboratory. Potions and test tubes and all sorts of arcane apparatus litter the benches. King ZIP and TheDenizen sit on the lab stools*
King ZIP: About 10 years ago, Denizen-san, robotics were all the rage. Before the turn of the century, people were gaga for any kind of robot. I, too, was sucked in by this insidious fad! I know, you're saying "King ZIP, you are a genius! How could this happen?". Well it was precisely BECAUSE I was a genius that I decided to build my own robot.
I was still an active wrestler in those days, but I was so big and mean and strong that no one wanted to train or spar with me. So I built a robot that could stand and give me targets to hit. That worked very well, so I programmed him to throw a few punches as well, and eventually some kicks. He was a great training partner, and I named him ZIP StrikeBot, since that's all he did. StrikeBot always gave me a good workout but never hit too hard. Eventually, several members of the ZIP JAPAN roster began working out with StrikeBot. That's when the problems started.
Everyone wanted to prove how tough they were, so they had me constantly increase the aggression settings. In small increments at first, gradually, but steadily. Before I knew it, StrikeBot was dangerous. He didn't know his own strength and was prone to injuring people. The breaking point came when StrikeBot clipped Crusher Kodo on the point of the chin during a sparring session, knocking Kodo out cold. However, right at that moment, something malfunctioned in StrikeBot's primary power cell. His logic circuits were fried, locked in that split second moment of a glorious KO.
After that, any time I turned StrikeBot on, he'd just start punching and kicking people until they stopped moving.
TheDenizen: Jesus.
King ZIP: I shut him down years ago and locked him away down here. But now I want you to bring him out into the light again.
TheDenizen: Seriously? What for? He sounds totally dangerous.
King ZIP: *chuckling* Ah, Denizen-san, I've read your "blog", and I know all about the people in America who are liking ZIP JAPAN. This FirePro Club you are in, the other members will want this!
TheDenizen: Um, I dunno, King ZIP. I mean, lots of folks like ZIP JAPAN, but why would they like a robot that just beats people to smithereens?
King ZIP: *impatiently* I don't know, Denizen-san, you figure it out! I leave it up to you, I'm sure you will find a way to get people interested. More importantly, you will take him off my hands. Now, let me show you how to operate him. *reaches out and pulls down a dusty sheet revealing a big grey and black robot with bright red hands, knees and feet.*
TheDenizen: Hey, sir, I really don't think that's a-
King ZIP: There we go! *flips switch on ZIP StrikeBot*
*ZIP StrikeBot suddenly jumps up and goes berserk, roundhouse kicking the sound man through a wall, before punching out the lens of the camera. There is only the sound of chaos and steel meeting flesh at high velocity to accompany the static on the screen, which cuts suddenly to black*
*whew*
OK. Now that you've seen all that...I'm not going to lie to you. I barely escaped that room with my life, and I'm pretty sure that sound guy wasn't so lucky. King ZIP heroically tackled StrikeBot and held him down long enough for me to turn him off. After that, though, he didn't really leave me with much choice about taking StrikeBot with me.
Which leaves me with my current dilemma and the announcement I promised WAY back at the start of this post. I have ZIP StrikeBot, and I don't want him. King ZIP seems to think that people who liked the ZIP JAPAN edit pack will like ZIP StrikeBot, so I've included him on the current save of the ZIP Roster.
But I'm begging you. PLEASE DON'T USE ZIP STRIKEBOT.
ZIP StrikeBot is a wretched failure because he is way too successful at what he was made to do. If you put him in front of another person, he will kick and punch that person without emotions until they drop. He is viciously strong, and pretty much impervious to conventional damage. Also, as some weird byproduct of the power surge that fried his brain, StrikeBot does a strange little dance whenever he knocks someone out. It's actually quite disturbing.
ZIP StrikeBot is a brilliant, but awful mistake. He's not a normal member of the ZIP JAPAN Roster. Please don't let him loose on your edits. There's no telling what he might do to them.
Thanks.
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